This morning, when I was half asleep, staring up at the ceiling and enjoying the warmth of the sliver of sunshine peeking through the gap in the curtains, it could have been just like the old days.
Just for a second, I expected to hear your voice, mom, calling out my name. A quick blink and that moment was gone and the life I live now, in it’s place. It catches me sometimes, on my in-breath, the exquisite pain of missing you. No one ever talks about you anymore, but not a minute passes without something reminding me of you. I can’t even mention you or dad to anyone and it hurts.
Today, I decided to hide in the restrooms for recess, because Lucien is away this week at a wrestling competition and I have no one to talk to. You’ll never guess what? The most perfect of perfect of girls, Ava Forrester-Payne, actually smiled and said hello to me. She even knew my name. She looks like a young Gwyneth Paltrow, with an air of sophistication that is on a par with Aunt Victoria, even though Aunt Victoria is about twenty-five years older.
Ava’s different as well. She doesn’t hang around in a gang and most people stay out of her way. Her parents are going through some nasty divorce and she has to see a shrink all the time so they can decide who she will live with, but Lucien has told me to stay out of her way, because she has a “mean, crazy streak.” There’s something very sad about her if you get to look into her eyes.
Anyway, here’s how our conversation went ;
Ava ; In my opinion, Olivia, the worst years of your entire life are when you attend school.
Me ; Oh. Really ? (I didn’t know what else to say)
Ava ; Well you’re in the bathroom hiding out aren’t you?
Me ; Guess so..
Ava ; I mean look at the Principal and the rest of the teachers. When will we ever use this crap they teach us ? All they do is give us 5 hours of homework every night, dole out detention ,for doing something harmless. It’s pathetic.
Me ; Someone got caught using drugs..
Ava ; Like I said, pathetic. I mean, apart from Lucien, who do you ever talk to Olivia?
Me ; Erm, no-one..
Ava ; Exactly, the popular kids like the same music, look like factory-manufactured clones, and simply exist to make you feel like absolute shit.
Mostly, your friends will talk behind your back, unless you're lucky to find one good, trust-worthy friend who won't dump you. I suppose you’ve found that in Lucien, but you should really be a bit careful of him. I’ve heard stuff. Bad stuff about him.
Me ; It’s all bravado with Lucien. He’s okay really.
Ava ; Basically most of the girls are sluts, the boys are perverts, and most of the time you'll feel alone and blue an that's why everyone does drugs. Relationships usually don't last more than a week, but then neither did my parents.
Me ; I’m really sorry about your parents, Ava, that must be hard.
Ava ; Screw my parents. We’re talking about school. Where was I? Oh yes, Everyone and their driver has a Myspace, which are usually full of pictures of everyone , having a good time, which in turn makes you feel more and more like shit.
Basically, everything makes you feel like shit. I hate my life, here, Olivia.
Me ; Silence
Ava ; Anyway, it was really nice talking to you Olivia. We should do it more often.
Wow. Wait until I tell Lucien. I've got to go now. More later.
Love from Olivia xx